The love of money is the root of all evil- Proverbs. Recently our country has entered into historical conversations regarding corporate workplace cultures. Bill Cosby most notably has been one of the many to be exposed to horrific acts committed while in a position of authority. There is a consistent theme I continue to hear that I feel needs to be addressed. "Why did these women wait so long to come forward?" As I become older things that are so outrageous tend to leave me stuck. Let's take a look at another past event to put this into proper perspective. When the issues that were plaguing Penn St came to light, there was an immediate reaction to defend Joe Paterno. During that time I happen to live in the area and felt the reaction first hand. They had all the local television stations and breaking news on all the channels about the incident. What genuinely heart my heart was that people celebrated Joe and were on his front lawn in support of him. I felt as if I was watching a cult. I felt like he was receiving reverence like the Pope. I wish I could have been a reporter because I would have asked where the support for the victims is? Throughout this whole Cosby trial, one of the themes I heard in my walk of life is why did it take them so long. That was some of the same rhetoric I heard with the Penn St scandal. Have we gotten so bad as a society that when you come out matters more than the act? When is it ever the wrong time to do what is right? Why are we judging the victim for how they reacted to a crime and not directing that anger at the criminal? It is leading me to wonder has the power of corporate life and the money overrule what is right. Why is there a time limit on when a victim should come forward? People forget that we all have different pain tolerances. There is a reason why there are navy seals, football players, nurses, engineers, firefighters. Everyone is given a brain that can handle a different set of pain tolerance emotionally & physically. There is a reason I do motivational speaking, and my wife is a nurse. Why are we judging the reactions of the victims and not the actor of the crime? Why were there not protest in the middle of the street for days for the victims instead of the persons who committed the crimes? All I can think of is the power of money and corporate seats. I believe people think those that occupy those seats should be given a right of passage. Do not ruin a guy’s career over something that happens years ago. Well maybe I was in therapy, and I have finally gotten the courage to deal with the consequences they must face. Unfortunately, I know many rape victims and all they talk about the shame. They all talk about having to deal with the news and how they will be portrayed. No one’s job or money they make should ever come before the consequences they must face. I am so tired of money and power having the ruling over what is right. For every victim that was forgotten and portrayed wrongly just know they are people who want better for you.
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9/25/2018 2 Comments Composing a Past Scene: Part Two“It's not how you start, it’s how you finish,” Unknown. I believe that being trapped mentally is harder on the soul than being physically worn down. Throughout this blog, we will explore the impact of being stuck and also how decisions can negatively impact your life. My goal for this blog is to let everyone know you can always become free. Even though a decision may have had a negative impact on your life you can restart your day at any time. Never let a decision from yesterday hold the rest of your life hostage. My blood boils as I continue to be stranded in this room day and night. I look out my window, and all I can see is happiness in my garden. My husband and nanny swear at their heart that they love me. From the outside looking in, who in their right mind would complain? I have a beautiful home, a great diet, peaceful atmosphere, and waited on like a princess. I wish materials and money could buy happiness, but it cannot for this soul. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. My husband's career has been brilliant and given us a life that one who think could cure any disease. Truth be told it has only made things worse. The only comfort I find in these four yellow walls is the power of my pen. This journal is a glimpse into my soul and the daily thoughts of a person struggling with depression. I try my best to explain it to him along with the nanny, but they do not understand. I sometimes feel like I am speaking in a foreign language or from another planet. His stubbornness and pride have led him to believe he is taking good care of me, but that is so far from the truth. All I want to do is take my mediation and let the sunlight hit my skin. I want him to break from the mold of his education and trust my advice. I want a marriage that feels wholesome. I want him to look at me and take my word as the gospel. My soul is not built for regulatory. I do not thrive in an enclosed space, and I have had enough punishment. I do not want my child to be raised by a nanny only to grow closer to her. I want my child to see the beauty in mental illness and to watch me rise above it. My pain has gotten grave enough to fight back and risk it all. A wise woman once said, “They can only kill me once!” I developed a plan to lure the women I see in the garden to the house. After my husband came home from work, I convinced him to let her come by for dinner. After we all ate, I talked to her outside telling her of my pain. She decided to help me forge a plan to steal his key, and she would make a copy. I was so anxious before he left for work I threw up. He left, and I ran out like a bat out of hell. The women and I had one of the best days of my life. When I got home, my husband was like an angry parent waiting on the couch. He screamed and cried about having him worried sick. I sat down and told him why I made the choices I did. In the end, he agreed that it must work because the bird left the nest but returned home. A day outside help cure years of feeling depressed. I learned never to settle and take matters into my own hands. I guess my momma was right, “A closed mouth never gets fed.” www.nlm.nih.gov/theliteratureofprescription/exhibitionAssets/digitalDocs/The-Yellow-Wall-Paper.pdf “In order to survive, you gotta learn to live with regrets,” Shawn Carter. For the tenth time, I have decided to come home intoxicated and break the rules. It is 2:00 a.m. and my mother’s sleep is disturbed because of my self-centeredness. I just watched the Steelers pound the Ravens and earned a massive night of winnings in the form of liquor. Not to mention, I walked out of the bar with a beautiful woman on my arm. I am getting up every day at 6:00 a.m. to travel an hour to work. I have just been promoted at my customer service job to the manager. “I am nice with this boss, what you want five more?” The sales floor on a Monday is usually dead as a doornail. However, I woke up with so much anxiety ahead of the Monday Night Football game that work would be the relief. I am sitting in the coffee room, and I notice everyone is hogging up every pot. Sally and John echo their long weekend and complain about hangovers. Honestly, I am jealous because I have not drunk in about four days due to financial issues. I am living with my mother paying all the bills and feel I deserve a night of fun. I have waited all week for this game, and regardless of her rules, I will enjoy it. I pull John to the side and ask, “Hey buddy; you know the best wing and draft place for the game?” John angrily throws his cup and says, “You can NEVER go wrong with Bar Louie!” My face lit up like a Christmas tree. I get back onto the sales floor only to have a record-setting day. The happiness of knowing I would get drunk and let my hair down propelled me into history. I pace back and forth with each call zoning in on each customer. I became so arrogant I begin to tell other co-workers how to do their jobs. It finally hits 4:00 p.m., and as I drop my headset, I hear the boss typing in the final tally. “I need everyone to sit in their chair. Freddy, can you please stand up? This young man right here just broke the all-time leading record in sales with 15, CONGRATULATIONS!,” Manager Earl. I take and bow and begin to ask every woman to go out that night as I head to my car. As I get into my car, my finger hits the next button searching for a song to keep me alive. I get home and shower. I make sure to put my best cologne on and brand new outfit. My mother asked, “Would you like to go to a movie tonight?” I get angry and go off on a tangent about not having a life and storm out of the house. My mother begs me not to drink and threatens to kick me off if I leave. The night is young and all I focus on his wings, beer, and football. As the people at the bar scream I, fill up with happiness because I feel as if I have made it. My maturity in life has brought me to a point where this is happiness. My sights are so off based, but the alcohol has control of my thoughts, actions, and behaviors. As I leave a gorgeous woman says, “You sure can drink let's finish the night together.” I take her up on offer only to end the night passed out in her car being dropped off at my mother's house. I notice a suitcase and trash bag of things. I have not yet realized I am kicked out with nowhere to go. My mother has finally had it, and I decided to start pounding on the door. The police come to the house, and my mother opens the door. In my drunken state of mind, I tell the police officer, “You see what I have to live with; you would get drunk to.” My mother breaks down crying and shuts the door. At the same time, I began to throw up and had to be helped to the car by the police. I end up at my best friend house sleep on the couch drunk. What started as a day of progress ended up being a life-changing negative moment. I went to bed homeless and broken relationship with my Mother all because I would not address my flaws. At the time, money was the deodorant for the stench of my soul. If only I would have gone to the movies and followed the rules things might be different today. My mother still references that incident, and I believe it is a reason why we struggle today. That is a regret I will have for the rest of my life. Shawn Carter makes a valid point of learning to live with regrets. 9/20/2018 5 Comments Busyness or Production It is a week before class, and my stomach along with unsettling nerves are beginning to plague me. I have been waiting for weeks to hear back from my professors concerning the workload for the upcoming semester. “Those that fail to prepare, prepare to fail,” Unkown, but yet so true. At the age of 35, I have finally realized success in college is more about a system than actual learning. I have realized my education comes down to what I do outside the classroom. My first year of college has taught me the value of good grades. I see it as a cycle of being able to get a good job. In the power point, I provided it explains my theory of success in college. It begins with setting a good rapture with your teachers months in advance to class. Thoroughly reviewing and understanding the syllabus so that I can map out my schedule for the semester. I realized that I have supports to write papers and get tutoring so I can finish early. Professors have a million students, so the one who stands out getting work done early and being active in class has an easier road. “Son you get more bees with honey,” quote from my Grandfather. I end the semester with excellent grades and a high GPA. My e-mail is now full of scholarship information which I am blessed to receive eventually. These scholarship dinners turn into networking opportunities that lead to internships. This high GPA also puts my foot in the door of private universities. Let's take the route of private universities. I enter them and bring the same attitude and system that yields the exact results. These internships opportunities bring entirely different results because they have the keys to all the powerful doors. The whole breakdown of this theory is that grades are the doors to money. The problem with this is that good grade does not mean a genuinely productive education. If you understand the scheme and system of attaining good grades you can be given a great career wan ith enormous salary. On paper, you look like a top-level student, but your actual knowledge could be below average. The real question is how many people work in the one of the most powerful buildings in the world but yet are not truly knowledgeable? Some of the most important decisions in the world are being made daily by people who look great on paper, but does that truly speak to their level of education? Let's not confuse busyness with production. 9/17/2018 1 Comment We Forget 9/11I purposely waited until about a week after 9/11 to post this blog. I have been blessed to visit the Holocaust and African-American museums in Washington D.C. they past two years. This past year during my visit, the news was riddled with the immigration crisis the U.S. was faced with. The Washington Post front cover had the image of camps with all the detainees living in them. I bought this paper from a corner stand in the park across from both museums. While walking through the Final Solution part of the museum I accidentally bumped into a lady who immediately said, "Don't worry about it and God bless you." The whole room was as somber as any place I can remember. Everyone was polite and I felt as if we all agreed that this was wrong. I vividly remembering waiting on the Uber reading the newspaper outside of landmark. Then it hit me! I am standing on the four corner block and across the street from each other are two museums that both display the power of hate. The Holocaust demonstrated the power of communication and words can literally lead millions of people to death. The African-American museum displayed how the love of money and strength of ideology can force generational slavery. Then I look down at a world-renowned front cover newspaper that shows images looking exactly like Auschwitz. Before I say anymore I want to make clear that the people who passed in 9/11
9/14/2018 1 Comment Composing Action into ScenesA picture is with a thousand words, but words that describe a scene are timeless. How I see it in my brain may never jump off the paper as I want, but I can try to put you in that moment. Great writers can take their readers through a mystical journey that leaves you hanging on the edge of your seat. The coffee pot gets turned on before bed because you have to get through one more chapter. That is the overachieving goal of this blog, to make the reader never want to stop reading.
As Anders stands in line, his usual moody self only flares up by being positioned by two loud women. Even as odd as his mood may always seem it is indeed a blessing for the way he can write. Age does not equal maturity, and sometimes we are ourselves to a default. The men yell shut up, and their ski maks come out of hiding. It is clear the teller is scared, and the women in front of Anders is in no mood to play. Looking to Anders for comfort she sees that his demeanor and snarky attitude is entirely genuine even if it means death. The masked men begin to make their presence felt even more by doing all they can to instill fear in the group of tellers. Training is held all the time, but these situations can only speak to experience. One of the robbers has an encounter with Anders that will change both of their lives forever. Anders with a disrespectful grin and laughter makes one of the armed men angry. The hostility goes so far as to ask Anders did he think he was cute. He even makes a reference to a sexual advance because of how Anders was looking at him. Never once is Anders in fear because he is just staying true to who he is. “Do I look like a funny guy to you,” said the masked man. “No.” replies Anders. The truth is that Anders is not taking this moment as dangerous as it is about to happen. The blessing is that he does not realize his life will never be the same from this moment. A customer in front of Anders asked him, "How can you laugh in a moment when you should be praying to God!?" Anders then responds, "If there was a God this would not be happening." In a historical bizarre turn of events one of the robbers takes off his mask and begins to cry. The other robber begins yelling at him and in a state of shock of the events taking place. The robber who took his mask off is crying because the word God brought him back to a point in his childhood where he was brutally abused. He was a part of a church group that had a summer camp and terrible things happened to him there. in his mind he associates God with that scene. He has a form of PTSD that he has not treated that completely inhibits him from carrying out any other duties. Anders begins to console him because Anders also has PTSD and was abused as a child. In the meantime the other robber has decided to run our of the store to avoid getting caught. Anders and the last robber have a heartfelt moment that ends in prayer asking God for forgiveness and healing. As the police question everyone at the scene Anders says, "This bank getting robbed saved my soul and honestly this robbers life. I will not testify on your behalf because he is a changed man int he Lord's eye and his pain from the abuse as a child has been enough." The police agreed along with every other customer and the bank went about regular business the rest of the day. public.wsu.edu/~bryanfry/Wolff,%20Bullet%20in%20the%20Brain.pdf I look down at my phone and see 9:45 a.m. and I realize it is time to put my game face on. I use my thumb to search for a song of the day to keep me going. I begin walking down the path and hear my work shoes pounding the pavement. The temptation of Starbucks becomes stronger from the smell of coffee as I get closer to my job. I turn the corner scanning the parking lot in hopes to gauge how to buy we are. I see a woman right behind me, so I immediately open the door for her family. My gut tells me today we would rather be silent, but the job description speaks to the opposite extreme. I make the transition easy on myself by walking right up to a regular customer. I allow myself to greet about five regular customers to get myself ready for the onslaught of people to come. The goal in life is to work smarter and not harder. I set an agenda so that once my work is caught up, I can greet precisely as I want to. I walk through the back of the house letting everyone know I am present and we are going to be very productive today. In the same breathe I am gauging the mood of my co-workers and management. I proceed to put the apron over my head and follow that up with clipping my name tag on as well. I yell “DOOR,” as I walk through the kitchen door and enter the dining room. It takes about two solid minutes before I am greeting, hugging, and kissing the people that come in to see me. I have the feeling that this does not work I get paid to see my family three times a week. I afford myself the luxury of not taking a break so that I can have pray time with a few of the customers. About halfway through my shift, I walk down to, acme to grab a healthy salad. I stop at each container on the salad bar and make sure to load up on protein and vegetables. As I walk back I look down on my phone to see 3:00 p.m. I now realize I am in the power hour to end the day on a good note. Ministry through power is how I define my job one customer at a time. As 4:00 pm rolls around I take off my apron and pack my bags. I go around giving secret handshakes and laughing telling co-workers goodbye. As I am walking out the door a customer yells, “Freddy we will miss you!” I think to myself wow your life has truly changed. Thank God for second chances. 9/14/2018 0 Comments Writing Process Roundtable“There is more than one way to skin a cat,” Unknown. The greatest gift about the mind is that the imagination has no ends. Every writer has a different process they must go through to reach their comfort level to create legendary pieces. Some of my best work was designed when I held no strings on the process itself. The more I let nature runs its course, the more powerful the writing came across.
"The job of the writer, Stafford argued, was to embrace a standard that allowed writing to happen; it required self-acceptance and a willingness to suspend judgment, to see where the process is leading." (1) "Murray’s own process was a complex mix of very orderly rituals and habits that allowed him to enter a state where he could be responsive to the suggestions of writing itself." (1) "Writing is the act of producing a first draft. It is the fastest part of the process, and the most frightening, for it is a commitment." (1) "In fact, after a lifetime of hounding authors for advice, I’ve heard three truths from every mouth: (1) Writing is painful—it’s “fun” only for novices, the very young, and hacks; (2) other than a few instances of luck, good work only comes through revision; (3) the best revisers often have reading habits that stretch back before the current age, which lends them a sense of history and raises their standards for quality." (2) "Before you can work consciously, though, you go through a phase of developing a critical self, which makes a writer wicked self-conscious." (2) "In the beginning, when there are zero pages, you have to cheer yourself into cranking stuff out, even if it later lands on the cutting room floor. Each page takes you somewhere you need to travel before you can land in the next spot. You zigzag, and in the low moments, you just have to keep plodding on—saying the next small thing about which you feel strongly, trying to nestle down into that single instant of clear memory you know without shadow of doubt is both true and important to who you’ve become." (2) Often when you sit down to write, what you have in mind is an autobiographical novel about your childhood, or a play about the immigrant experience, or a history of-oh-say-say women. (3) It reminds me that all that I have to do is to write down as much as I can see through a one-inch picture frame. (3) Very few writers really know what they are doing until they done it. (3) (1) https://www.heinemann.com/shared/onlineresources/0600/web%20sample_murray.pdf (2)https://www.sabatinomangini.com/uploads/4/5/9/6/4596832/the_art_of_memoir_in_praise_of_revision.pdf (3) http://engl210-picetti.wikispaces.umb.edu/file/view/Lamott_Bird+by+Bird.pdf My three quotes on the writing process 1. Your life is not an open book so be careful to think about what audience you are writing for. 2. Research, research, and more research makes it easier to write fluently on the subject. 3. Let attitude set the tone for the piece. Come into the process with wanting to create a legendary piece every time. If your trying to create history that will make the process much more clear. 9/11/2018 1 Comment Composing a Present Scene“To whom much is given much is required,” Luke 12:48. That is a verse in the Bible that was always referenced to me during my childhood. As I have been blessed to transform my life, I realize the value of that verse. This blog will present a scene and actions of my new life. I went from a spiritual bottom to being a soldier helping to save souls. Sit back and enjoy the ride of a day and the life Frederick Shegog. I look up at my dresser, and I am trying to figure out which smell to put on first. I realize that my life has changed so much I have the luxury problem of picking out cologne. After I put on my cologne, I begin to put the jewelry on remembering the days when that was not an option. As we are about 15 minutes away, I start to play my first song. I use my thumb to scroll back to my favorite part about five times trying to get in the zone to lift this community. “This is the stress I lived with til I decided to try rap shit for a living. I pray I am forgiven for all the bad decisions I made, sisters I played, cause I am still paranoid to this day. And its nobody fault I made the decisions I made. This is the life I choose or rather the life that chooses me. If you can't respect that your whole perspective is whack. Maybe you love me when I fade to black.” And there is everything I can understand and encompass right before I walk into the treatment facility. As my girlfriend and I walk down the hallways, I keep hearing echoes of my name being called. Everyone is greeting me as if I here to save the day. I sit down with the counselor to get the gist of the issue plaguing the community. Right before I walk into the room to speak I, grab the amount of water I will need. I walk in from the back of the room to get a vide and sense of the spiritual nature of the room. I make sure to greet everyone and say hello so that I can feel a part of the room. I want everyone in the room to know I am their ally and not their foe. It is beyond critical to garnish their respect and having them relate to me before saying anything. In the business of motivational speaking, I have found the more people refer to you the better chance you have at grabbing their attention. As I am being introduced, I start to combat my nerves and begin to feel the energy in my stomach. This room has no idea that I am about to drop a hope bomb and leave them shell-shocked. I have one goal and that is to make everyone in this room believe they never have to use any substance again and that they can accomplish anything in their dreams. I take a glance up at the clock and right before I open my mouth I look at my girlfriend and wink. I close my eyes and open my mouth. On the drive back home, my girlfriend looks at me and says you are a fantastic man that just inspired a whole room full of people. I look at her and say, “To whom much is given, much is required!.” www.creativenonfiction.org/what-is-creative-nonfiction 9/11/2018 0 Comments The Proust QuestionnaireIf I do not address the character flaws i have they will dictate my life. For years, money was the deodorant for the stench of my soul. This blog you are about to embark on will take you on a roller coaster of life. There will be answers to questions that point to a horrible human being. However, there will be answers that show the beauty of a changed soul.
My idea of perfect happiness is Sunday dinner. Meaning I woke up Sunday morning down south to birds and the beautiful sunshine. I ate an excellent breakfast, and as I was getting ready for church, I was listening to either a piano playing or the Sports Reporters. After church, I came home and watched football in a calm atmosphere with the sun shining in the living room with sliding doors. Meanwhile, I can smell Sunday dinner being cooked by my wife. My kids are reading in their room or outside doing something productive. My wife while cooking is doing some work either in-house or reading. I then eat Sunday dinner only then to end the night outside on the porch reading a newspaper. The trait I deplore most in others are people who are not emphatic. The reality is we all at one point in our life will deal with hardships. The old quote says, “You either going through something or you are coming out of it.” The other quote is, “You do not get stronger by the weights you lift, you get stronger by what you overcome.” Everyone's pain threshold mentally, spiritually, and emotionally is different so do not have empathy for another human being is ridiculous. There is a reasonably sure people are made to be navy seals, and others are made to be daycare workers. The person living who I admire the most is my aunt with Polio. I watch her raise three children as a single parent and do one of the most amazing jobs ever. She was in no way perfect, but she made no excuses, and she ran her household. I have raised children in two different families with help and not even come close to the standard she set in hers. Parenting is the hardest job ever because you are given the life of another human being, and the outcome is on you. I have been blessed with no handicap and failed my first time around at parenting. She is disabled and used that as a strength to raise her kids. I tip my hat to this feet one of the most significant accomplishments I have ever seen. I was blessed to attend Duke vs. St Johns at Madison square garden followed by a trip to the 40/40 Club in Manhattan. I could name the club scenes I was involved in while drinking but the reason I say this is because it was in sobriety and truly a wholesome spiritual experience. I am forever grateful for this because I knew it was a privilege to be there rather than the club of fakeness. My current state of mind is relaxed. I am at a time in my life where I am getting attention at a level I have never seen before, and it's for the right reasons. I am taking everything in stride and being very humble. I have no idea where life is about to take me, but it looks like it could be UNBELIEVABLE. The most overrated virtue in life is a success because that can be measured so many different ways. Everyone's level of success is different because everyone looks at the values of being different. The occasion I tend to lie to most is to older people. It is embedded in me always to respect your elders, and I know that parts of my life as many elders do not consider the right way to live. I love them too much to argue so I would rather lose the battle and win the war. I know in their heart they mean well, so I lie and continue to be successful to change the world. The person I despise the most is a crooked district attorney. They have someone’s freedom in their hands and to choose money or power over that makes me sick. I think they should be given life sentences because they do lifetime damage to a person and their family. quality I most like in a man is to be yourself. No matter what you bring to the table be the best version of yourself. Ignore society stigmas and live your life. The quality I most like in women is top notch hygiene. There is nothing more beautiful to me than a woman who values how clean she is and is always on top of that both physically and spiritually. I am an only child from a single parent mother. Two brains are better than one. I have come to realize that if those two brains are not on the same page, it's not better. It is not the quantity that matters it is the quality. I love the Lord the most because as many times as I turned my back on him he never gave up on me. I woke up in the hospital with a blood alcohol level of .04. The nurse said I should be in a coma or death and two years later my life is a fantasy turned reality. Others have done the same amount or less and died. For God to allow me to survive what I did and to make it to this level in life, it would be criminal to say I love ANYTHING more. The day my mother got out of rehab. I remember that being a day, she truly missed me and hugged me as so. I will never forget how she hugged me and how happy her face was. I knew then my mother loved me; a lot has happened since but I will take that moment to my grave. I wish I could hit a home run. My whole life I have always wanted to be able to hit a home run and have that feeling of running around the bases. I caught one but I was in the wrong park, and it haunts me to this day. That when it is time to be tough in a situation it does not haunt me. I hate when I have to have a confrontation, and even it goes the way I wanted it bothers me for a while. I have gotten better, but it is tough to do. Getting sober because my Mother told me, “Freddy by the way you are living I can die and finally sleep well.” Judge, because I want the power to help change the world case by case. In the south, because that life fits my soul. |
FrederickI will use this blog to write about life. Archives
December 2018
CategoriesAll Identity Reflection Research Project Revision Scene We Forget |
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