Blog Post #9 was was essentially the importance of rewriting and looking at a scene from another view. As a writer, many times I can be bogged down by narrow minded thinking. I may truly feel my work is good because it is smooth and makes a ton of sense to me. However, rewriting it from another point of view and changing the tense also changes the tone. I feel that when tone is change so is the power of my pen. Being challenged in a way of looking at a hard life event differently sparked feelings I never realized I had about the whole situation. I once heard that when I change my view and see others feelings then i can being to grow. At the time of the event I was so young minded and mentally sick that I could not see the cancers around me. This blog helps me to truly see the whole situation for the truth and deal with upcoming events much better. Smart people do not make the same mistakes twice.
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9/25/2018 2 Comments Composing a Past Scene: Part Two“It's not how you start, it’s how you finish,” Unknown. I believe that being trapped mentally is harder on the soul than being physically worn down. Throughout this blog, we will explore the impact of being stuck and also how decisions can negatively impact your life. My goal for this blog is to let everyone know you can always become free. Even though a decision may have had a negative impact on your life you can restart your day at any time. Never let a decision from yesterday hold the rest of your life hostage. My blood boils as I continue to be stranded in this room day and night. I look out my window, and all I can see is happiness in my garden. My husband and nanny swear at their heart that they love me. From the outside looking in, who in their right mind would complain? I have a beautiful home, a great diet, peaceful atmosphere, and waited on like a princess. I wish materials and money could buy happiness, but it cannot for this soul. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. My husband's career has been brilliant and given us a life that one who think could cure any disease. Truth be told it has only made things worse. The only comfort I find in these four yellow walls is the power of my pen. This journal is a glimpse into my soul and the daily thoughts of a person struggling with depression. I try my best to explain it to him along with the nanny, but they do not understand. I sometimes feel like I am speaking in a foreign language or from another planet. His stubbornness and pride have led him to believe he is taking good care of me, but that is so far from the truth. All I want to do is take my mediation and let the sunlight hit my skin. I want him to break from the mold of his education and trust my advice. I want a marriage that feels wholesome. I want him to look at me and take my word as the gospel. My soul is not built for regulatory. I do not thrive in an enclosed space, and I have had enough punishment. I do not want my child to be raised by a nanny only to grow closer to her. I want my child to see the beauty in mental illness and to watch me rise above it. My pain has gotten grave enough to fight back and risk it all. A wise woman once said, “They can only kill me once!” I developed a plan to lure the women I see in the garden to the house. After my husband came home from work, I convinced him to let her come by for dinner. After we all ate, I talked to her outside telling her of my pain. She decided to help me forge a plan to steal his key, and she would make a copy. I was so anxious before he left for work I threw up. He left, and I ran out like a bat out of hell. The women and I had one of the best days of my life. When I got home, my husband was like an angry parent waiting on the couch. He screamed and cried about having him worried sick. I sat down and told him why I made the choices I did. In the end, he agreed that it must work because the bird left the nest but returned home. A day outside help cure years of feeling depressed. I learned never to settle and take matters into my own hands. I guess my momma was right, “A closed mouth never gets fed.” www.nlm.nih.gov/theliteratureofprescription/exhibitionAssets/digitalDocs/The-Yellow-Wall-Paper.pdf “In order to survive, you gotta learn to live with regrets,” Shawn Carter. For the tenth time, I have decided to come home intoxicated and break the rules. It is 2:00 a.m. and my mother’s sleep is disturbed because of my self-centeredness. I just watched the Steelers pound the Ravens and earned a massive night of winnings in the form of liquor. Not to mention, I walked out of the bar with a beautiful woman on my arm. I am getting up every day at 6:00 a.m. to travel an hour to work. I have just been promoted at my customer service job to the manager. “I am nice with this boss, what you want five more?” The sales floor on a Monday is usually dead as a doornail. However, I woke up with so much anxiety ahead of the Monday Night Football game that work would be the relief. I am sitting in the coffee room, and I notice everyone is hogging up every pot. Sally and John echo their long weekend and complain about hangovers. Honestly, I am jealous because I have not drunk in about four days due to financial issues. I am living with my mother paying all the bills and feel I deserve a night of fun. I have waited all week for this game, and regardless of her rules, I will enjoy it. I pull John to the side and ask, “Hey buddy; you know the best wing and draft place for the game?” John angrily throws his cup and says, “You can NEVER go wrong with Bar Louie!” My face lit up like a Christmas tree. I get back onto the sales floor only to have a record-setting day. The happiness of knowing I would get drunk and let my hair down propelled me into history. I pace back and forth with each call zoning in on each customer. I became so arrogant I begin to tell other co-workers how to do their jobs. It finally hits 4:00 p.m., and as I drop my headset, I hear the boss typing in the final tally. “I need everyone to sit in their chair. Freddy, can you please stand up? This young man right here just broke the all-time leading record in sales with 15, CONGRATULATIONS!,” Manager Earl. I take and bow and begin to ask every woman to go out that night as I head to my car. As I get into my car, my finger hits the next button searching for a song to keep me alive. I get home and shower. I make sure to put my best cologne on and brand new outfit. My mother asked, “Would you like to go to a movie tonight?” I get angry and go off on a tangent about not having a life and storm out of the house. My mother begs me not to drink and threatens to kick me off if I leave. The night is young and all I focus on his wings, beer, and football. As the people at the bar scream I, fill up with happiness because I feel as if I have made it. My maturity in life has brought me to a point where this is happiness. My sights are so off based, but the alcohol has control of my thoughts, actions, and behaviors. As I leave a gorgeous woman says, “You sure can drink let's finish the night together.” I take her up on offer only to end the night passed out in her car being dropped off at my mother's house. I notice a suitcase and trash bag of things. I have not yet realized I am kicked out with nowhere to go. My mother has finally had it, and I decided to start pounding on the door. The police come to the house, and my mother opens the door. In my drunken state of mind, I tell the police officer, “You see what I have to live with; you would get drunk to.” My mother breaks down crying and shuts the door. At the same time, I began to throw up and had to be helped to the car by the police. I end up at my best friend house sleep on the couch drunk. What started as a day of progress ended up being a life-changing negative moment. I went to bed homeless and broken relationship with my Mother all because I would not address my flaws. At the time, money was the deodorant for the stench of my soul. If only I would have gone to the movies and followed the rules things might be different today. My mother still references that incident, and I believe it is a reason why we struggle today. That is a regret I will have for the rest of my life. Shawn Carter makes a valid point of learning to live with regrets. 9/11/2018 1 Comment Composing a Present Scene“To whom much is given much is required,” Luke 12:48. That is a verse in the Bible that was always referenced to me during my childhood. As I have been blessed to transform my life, I realize the value of that verse. This blog will present a scene and actions of my new life. I went from a spiritual bottom to being a soldier helping to save souls. Sit back and enjoy the ride of a day and the life Frederick Shegog. I look up at my dresser, and I am trying to figure out which smell to put on first. I realize that my life has changed so much I have the luxury problem of picking out cologne. After I put on my cologne, I begin to put the jewelry on remembering the days when that was not an option. As we are about 15 minutes away, I start to play my first song. I use my thumb to scroll back to my favorite part about five times trying to get in the zone to lift this community. “This is the stress I lived with til I decided to try rap shit for a living. I pray I am forgiven for all the bad decisions I made, sisters I played, cause I am still paranoid to this day. And its nobody fault I made the decisions I made. This is the life I choose or rather the life that chooses me. If you can't respect that your whole perspective is whack. Maybe you love me when I fade to black.” And there is everything I can understand and encompass right before I walk into the treatment facility. As my girlfriend and I walk down the hallways, I keep hearing echoes of my name being called. Everyone is greeting me as if I here to save the day. I sit down with the counselor to get the gist of the issue plaguing the community. Right before I walk into the room to speak I, grab the amount of water I will need. I walk in from the back of the room to get a vide and sense of the spiritual nature of the room. I make sure to greet everyone and say hello so that I can feel a part of the room. I want everyone in the room to know I am their ally and not their foe. It is beyond critical to garnish their respect and having them relate to me before saying anything. In the business of motivational speaking, I have found the more people refer to you the better chance you have at grabbing their attention. As I am being introduced, I start to combat my nerves and begin to feel the energy in my stomach. This room has no idea that I am about to drop a hope bomb and leave them shell-shocked. I have one goal and that is to make everyone in this room believe they never have to use any substance again and that they can accomplish anything in their dreams. I take a glance up at the clock and right before I open my mouth I look at my girlfriend and wink. I close my eyes and open my mouth. On the drive back home, my girlfriend looks at me and says you are a fantastic man that just inspired a whole room full of people. I look at her and say, “To whom much is given, much is required!.” www.creativenonfiction.org/what-is-creative-nonfiction |
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December 2018
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